My latest project in the 31DBBB, was to read 27 expert blog posts. The assigned reading included a post by Seth Godin titled, “How to send a personal email.” Using his tip list, I’ve created the corollary, explaining how to alienate your readers in a few, simple steps.
Feel free to make additions in the comments!
- Send identical emails to enormous mailing lists.
- Copy and paste all you can. If you inadvertently mess up and call someone the wrong name, don’t worry, no one will notice.
- The salutation makes no difference. Use whatever your program default is. Even it is says, “My darling and alluring reader.” We’re all friends here.
- Don’t worry about formatting in your salutation. That just wastes time. Just merge the thing and be done with it. The important thing is to get that email sent.
- Send lots of HTML and images. You need to look like a professional emailer.
- Boca Raton, Florida (WWO) March 19, 2010 — Win with 1 published their communication advice this morning. “Make your email look like a press release,” said AM Smith, owner and professional blogger.
- The longer the better. If you have important information to extend to readers — and I know you do — you want to make sure that they don’t miss a single detail. Minutia is crucial. Fill your email with everything you can think of to keep the reader on task with the email as long as you possibly can. If you can’t think of something interesting or personal to write, just keep on going. Eventually you will happen across something worth reading. And besides, these people have nothing better to do.
- Emailing is time consuming and you have more important things to worry about. Don’t bother unless you need something. Like money.
- Never include contact information. Seriously, do you want these people to interrupt your life?
- Always mark your emails triple-red-flag, read-me-this-second-or-the-economy-will-fail urgent. You are the master.
- Misleading headlines are only trumped by those that are cute as a bug. Straight talk is boring.
- If your first email doesn’t get the results you want, just send another.
- Ignore the CAN-SPAM Act. We’re about results, people.
- If you have access to an email, it’s yours to do with as you please. Send, send, send!
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
I t really ticks me off when a blogger takes the email that I used to post a comment and just goes ahead and adds me to their mailing list. I got such a kick out of your list, because I’ve seen all of these, and often, the more of a “professional blogger” they claim to be, the more likely it is to happen.
Thanks for the chuckle.
Tina T´s last blog ..4 Signs That He May Be the One
That’s a great addition, gathering the links from comments. Not really a great way to encourage commenting, eh?
Nice article Alison, I missed quite a few because had my MBA papers and now its worth visiting your blog after a small interval.
Hi Alison,
What about use a subject line that has nothing to do with the content of the email. That should do some fine damage. HA!
@Ileane
Ileane @Blogging´s last blog ..What’s More Important? Your SEO or Your Readers?
Thanks for the great contribution. Read your blog regularly and I like your posts.
Another one that will surely not get you anywhere, is copying email addresses from a friends forwarded email, who he/she has sent out to a select few friends, something funny usually. I’ve had that happen before, all of the sudden I start getting an email update from some musician I’ve never heard of! Then I figure out he’s a friend of a friend. Terrible!
Amen to that, Austin. And let’s add a big spankdown to people who forward email to everyone on the planet and don’t blind copy the mailing list!
Actually, I think anyone who forwards emails should be flogged on that one infraction alone!
Hilarious and sad all at the same time Alison! I love the way you put this post together. I read it to my husband and he cracked up
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Keller Hawthorne´s last blog ..How to Use Testimonials to Drastically Improve Your Blog’s Success
Thanks, Keller!
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